Once upon an August dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over a bland and boring voting ballot, I so softly swore:
“Here I’m nodding, nearly napping, they say that I’m to start remapping
The future of Australia – well I must say it is quite a bore!
All this candidate selection – all of it is quite a chore!”
This I said, and nothing more.
Ah distinctly I remember, having been a union member,
I thought I’d vote for Labor, for they may stop the dreaded war.
“Half-bred fool!” I told myself, “What about the Ross Ice Shelf?”
Greens may still fight global warming – warming, yes, and so much more –
Greens may save this planet from the carbon, yes, and so much more –
And they may stop the dreaded war.
And the soft and certain scratching of my pen to vote for Greens
Excited me somewhat, for it’s the Liberals that I do deplore;
Then I noticed, much to my despair, that when I saved the polar bear,
I’d forgotten that the Greens smoke pot – a practice I abhor –
A nasty habit I deplore: now they deserve my vote no more!
Global warming I’ll ignore.
Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
“I’ll save my vote, not having known this rampant drug use heretofore.”
I reached into the vote collection, not trying to sway the just election,
But merely trying to reach the vote I’d duly cast seconds before.
Just as I held it in my hand, the precious vote I did adore,
Said the officer: “Nevermore.”
Back towards my dwelling turning, all my soul within me burning,
I felt anger and felt sadness beyond what I had felt before;
I did not want their marajuiana in my government, my Parliament,
Each second grew my discontent, I felt myself a voting whore –
Tricked by the left, the Greens and commies, tricked to do this voting chore –
There came a sound at my front door.
Suddenly there came a tapping, an ostentatious, angry rapping,
And then a sudden, bitter snapping: “Open up your wide front door!”
I went to see the sullen stranger, wary of whatever danger
He may may feel he must impose on me and my outrage galore.
Much to my disgust and horror, it was Bob Brown at my front door –
This I saw, and nothing more.
“Begone, foul beast!” I cried towards it. “And also I’d like to submit
A request that you might stop your drug use, I ask of you, I do implore!”
The Honourable Member, smoking grass, said duly unto me, alas,
“Capitalist! I demand your silence – go back to your department store.”
And I replied: “Poor commie scum, smoke your filthy pot no more!”
To which he said: “No, nevermore.”
Although the Senator was yelling, trying to break into my dwelling,
The Greens got many seats and had much power on the floor.
Their governance was good – I found I voted how I should,
For soon they brought a carbon tax and other measures I adore.
All in all the Greens did well, despite the hemp they always wore,
I’ll not vote Labor anymore.